Recently, a friend and I were discussing that as much as we all talk about finding “The One”, there is another “one” that creeps into our conversations just as much (if not more). You know the one I’m talking about, the one who is “no good for you”,the one whose name immediately popped into your head the moment you read the title. That one.
We all have one. He’s the Mr. Big to your Carrie Bradshaw. He’s the one that no matter how much you believe you both want it, you just can never quite seem to make it work. He’s the one your dad hates, your mom warned you about, and your friends plead with you to just stay away. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s really like when you are together and why it’s so dang hard to stay away.
If love were a diet, you know that the best choice for you is the light, healthy salad with the perfect calorie count. It tastes fine and is good for you, but that luscious chocolate cake from Binion’s…how the heck does anyone say no to that? Besides, you only live once right?
What’s that saying again?
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.
Why is it that the love that we want always tastes so much sweeter than the love that we know we need? So who are these delicious pieces of…cake?
He’s the one you can never stop thinking about even though you know you should. When his name pops up on your phone, or you hear his name anywhere, your heart immediately kicks into overdrive, even long after the relationship has ended.
He’s your eternal “what if”. When you hear the word “soulmate,” your mind automatically goes to hum because the connection you have is like no other. Destiny. Twin Flames. Past lives. The whole kit and kaboodle. He gets you and you get him. Your conversations are effortless. You can stay up all night talking to each other and you feel like you’ve known each other forever.
Speaking of staying up all night…the sex. Oh my God, the sex. This is epic. The stuff you read about in books, hear about in songs, and see in movies cannot hold a candle to what happens when your bodies intersect…vertically, horizontally, doesn’t matter. Goldilocks has just met her match and everything is “just right”. It’s so good it literally makes you cry and leaves you thinking about it for days after.
But, not surprisingly, no one is perfect and with the good comes the bad. We expect that. But how bad is it really?
He usually will fall into one of two categories: he either know he is no good for you and tries to redeem himself by constantly reminding you that you shouldn’t be with him and that you deserve better; or there isn’t really anything that’s is bad about him per se, but he just brings out the worst in you.
You deserve better, better, better than me. Might be what you want, but I’m not what you need. You’re better, better than you realize. You deserve better, better, better than me. Might be what you want, but I want you to see You’re better off without me in your life. —James Arthur
He’s the one that gets you to convince yourself you’re okay with with his status, the one who tells you to give him time to work it out, or the one who isn’t ready or looking for anything serious. Yet.
Meanwhile, you are secretly saying yes to the dress and every engagement ring on Pinterest like you are planning the Royal Wedding. And then you are surprised when he’s either backed off or you figure out he’s staying in the status quo.
He’s the one, if there is even the slightest, most remote possibility he could be where you are, you scan the place like you are Jason Bourne assessing for a threat. Except you are hoping the threat is real and there will be bodily contact. Lots of it.
He’s the one that on a quiet night home alone (often involving a bottle of wine), you decide it would be a great idea to “just take take a “quick look” and see whatever came of him and what he is up to. You engage in an internet search that would put a CIA background check to shame and inevitably end up calling a friend blubbering unintelligibly that he was “your yummy treat.” Or something to that effect.
He’s the one you have to talk yourself out of texting because you know nothing good ever comes out of it. And then you do it and immediately regret it.
He pops back into your life at the most random and inconvenient times, like after you have just met someone with whom you feel you could finally become serious.
Of course, as quickly as he reappears and captures your attention, he is gone just that fast.
Isn’t hindsight an interesting truth? Why was I ever with you? Seeing clearer than ever before, it’s the last time you walk out my door. — Vera Blue
And who are we? We are the ones who can change them. We are the ones that will make them realize how good it can be “if he just…”
If he just wasn’t intimidated by what strong and successful women we are it could work. If he just sees how awesome we are he will want something more serious. If he just lets down his walls and allows us in he will see how good this can be. If he just would take a leap of faith.
Except that we aren’t the one. And neither is he. So, we end up right back where we started all those years ago. We know how the story ends.
Spoiler Alert: The books and movies we are sold are a load of total crap.
I am pretty sure that Nicholas Sparks is the devil and this is not “The Notebook.” But Noah and Allie ended up together at the end, we cry! Probably only because Allie wasn’t able to remember all the crap he put her through because of her Alzheimer’s.
But Carrie and Mr. Big ended up together! What do you think would’ve happened if that third movie was ever made? Just sayin’.
So yeah, bad lobe sure can feel good, but at the end of the day, we know we should probably just give it up if we know what is good for us…and we do.
There is good love out there to be had. The kind that nourishes us and leaves us feeling full…not empty like we just wasted a bunch of calories. We just have to stop picking from the won’t food groups.
Of course, you can always start your diet tomorrow. There might be one last piece of cake left…maybe just a nibble.